Gina Brillon on how grief pushed her to pursue comedy

Gina Brillon is a Puerto Rican actress, stand-up comedian, author and mother born and raised in the Bronx. In 2012, she became the first and only Latina winner of NBC's Stand Up for Diversity Showcase. She then released comedy specials on NuvoTV, HBO and Amazon Prime. She has appeared on “The View,” “Late Night With Seth Meyers” and “Jimmy Kimmel Live” and was the first Latina comedian to be a finalist on Season 16 of “America's Got Talent.”

For Mental Health Awareness Month, we asked Latino comedians and creators we admire how comedy has helped them overcome trauma and face life's biggest challenges. Read the pieces here.

We don't talk enough about the healing powers of humor. The old saying “laughter is the best medicine,” as cliché as it may be, actually has a lot of truth to it. I learned about the power of laughter at a relatively young age. In Latino families, we often use humor to overcome trauma and hardships. It helps us get through so much. At home we joked about everything from the government to the cheese we ate to the bankruptcies and the children's games we played. I discussed this in detail in my Amazon Prime special, The Floor is Lava.

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My childhood was good, but also fraught with difficulties. Money problems were real and I remember at one point we needed food stamps. We've had our challenging times, but somehow we've always managed to laugh about it. It was one of those “if you don’t laugh, you cry” type situations. But it wasn't until I lost my grandmother that I realized what temporary relief a good laugh can bring, even in the face of loss and grief.

I say this all the time, but my grandmother is the only reason I chose a career as a stand-up comedian. I was probably about 8 or 9 years old when I realized I had the gift of making people laugh. It was also around this age that I realized how healing laughter could be. When I realized I could make someone laugh, it became my mission to make the people around me laugh because I loved the joy of it. My grandmother was the first adult in the family to notice that I was funny. She told my mother things like, “Your daughter is talented. One day she’ll be on TV,” and I slowly started to believe her.

For a while I kept the jokes for the family. At home I was this crazy, fun kid, but when I was out in public I was much more reserved. As a child I was insecure because I was the chubby, funny girl. So if I didn't know you like that, I wouldn't try to make you laugh because I was already too insecure. In fact, my classmates and schoolmates who knew me as a child were surprised when I became a stand-up comedian. They always thought I was funny, but they also thought I was shy because I was growing up. I was never the class clown. But I was the kid who was always quick to crack a joke. If I saw a joke somewhere, I would say it quickly before anyone else could say it first.

My grandma was probably one of the toughest women I have ever met – to this day. That was my maternal grandmother. She lived with us and died when I was 16, but I spent a lot of my childhood with this woman who I absolutely adored. She came to New York from Puerto Rico and never really learned English that way, but the English she learned came from watching I Love Lucy. That's when I began to understand how much my grandma appreciated the comedic relief. When I learned this, I made it a point to always make her laugh.

My grandmother was not an easy woman to make laugh. She was tough and she meant it. She also hated pranks. But she loved silliness. Something about the silliness allowed her to lower her guard and let her guard down completely, regardless of what she was going through. I began studying her sense of humor and conveyed to her the silliness that I knew she enjoyed. When my grandmother laughed, she laughed with all her heart. She radiated absolute joy – it brought out a different side of her that I appreciated from a young age. That became the best way for us to socialize – to make them laugh.

But when I was about 11 years old, my grandmother's health began to decline. She kept getting cuts and bruises. She experienced frequent body pains. I knew she wasn't the same when I noticed that my mother had to shower her every day. This was hard for me because I grew up with this strong woman who never wanted to be a burden and was in such a vulnerable situation. I almost didn't know how to connect with her anymore. My siblings were quick to help me take care of her physically, but I never felt comfortable doing so. It was difficult for me to see her at her weakest.

During this time, I realized that the best medicine I had to offer her was laughter. On her hardest days, I made sure to keep her laughing and she constantly encouraged me to make it a career one day. My grandma was my first comedy audience and the first person who really believed in me. When she died, I told God that I would pursue a career in comedy.

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I knew it was coming because I had never heard the fear in this woman's voice like that before. I remember thinking to myself: This is it. My mother told me to go to bed, but I couldn't. I asked if I could go to the bathroom, and when I went in, I opened the window, fell to my knees, and began to pray. I remember the first words out of my mouth were, “God, I know you're taking my grandma tonight.” I told God that from that moment on, every time I make someone laugh, it's in honor of that would happen to my grandmother. And if I ever do anything in comedy, it's always for her. The next morning she was gone.

It was a difficult time for my family – especially for my mother. It took a while for it to feel appropriate, but I slowly started using humor to help myself and the rest of the family get through. Even at the funeral, as difficult as it was, there were little moments when the family joked and teased each other, and that was healing. We allowed ourselves to grieve and cry. But we also found opportunities to laugh and smile in memory of my grandmother.

To this day, every time I step on stage, I think of my grandmother. I literally feel her energy with me every time. I feel her watching me in the room. I always ask myself, “Did you see that, Grandma?” Did you see what I just did? Did you like it?”

Every milestone has been dedicated to her, from my first 20-minute special on HBO's “Entre Nos” to my first hour-long special “Pacifically Speaking,” my Amazon Prime special “The Floor Is Lava” and even when I was on “America's Got.” Talent”. My sister, who is very interested in the spiritual side, always tells me that my grandma is always with me. I believe that we all have a council of people to take care of us in this life and I believe that we choose them. I chose my grandmother, and I chose George Carlin – my favorite comedian as a child. I truly believe he is a part of the souls watching over me, so much so that I salute his photo every time I enter the Gotham Comedy Club.

Comedy has not only helped me overcome all the difficult circumstances I have experienced in this life, from heartbreak to loss, but it has also helped me find myself. It transformed a young, insecure girl into the most confident girl she has ever been. It gave me the opportunity to connect with people, especially my grandmother. Comedy has allowed me to help others heal because it has helped me heal in my own way. It is my longest relationship in this life and my most precious.

– As Johanna Ferreira tells it

Johanna Ferreira is Content Director for POPSUGAR Juntos. With more than 10 years of experience, Johanna focuses on how intersectional identities are a central part of Latin American culture. Previously, she was an assistant editor at HipLatina for nearly three years and freelanced for numerous media outlets, including Refinery29, O Magazine, Allure, InStyle and Well+Good. She has also moderated and presented numerous panels on the topic of Latin American identity.