6 Second Kiss Theory and a 20 Second Hug and why TikTok swears by it

Could a 6 Second Kiss Save Your Relationship?

TikTok users have been touting the “6 second kiss rule” lately, which is exactly what it sounds like: a ritual of kissing your partner for at least 6 seconds in a row every day.

“We’re always striving to find shortcuts, even in dating and relationships,” says Damona Hoffman, host of the Dates & Mates podcast. “People are obsessed with the 6 Second Kiss because it seems like it’s a trick that can fix conflict or lack of enthusiasm in our relationship and give us a magic pill to boost chemistry with our partner.” to drift.”

It might sound simplistic — and not the most romantic or spontaneous way to express love — but there’s research to suggest it can actually boost relationships.

What does a 6 second kiss mean?

The 6 Second Kiss Rule was coined by John Gottman, a marriage and family therapist, author, and researcher who co-founded the Gottman Institute with his wife, clinical psychologist Julie Schwartz Gottman. A study of 70,000 people in 24 countries by sociologists for the self-help relationship book The Normal Bar found that small gestures to show love throughout the day have a big impact on long-term happiness and success have pairs.

“People who really enjoy their sex life generally do these little things that have nothing to do with what’s going on in the bedroom,” John Gottman, 81, told USA TODAY.

It all boils down to activities that boost oxytocin in the brain, he says. A kiss for at least 6 seconds or a hug for 20 seconds both trigger the release of oxytocin, which helps couples bond and trust each other. Experts also say that changing routines and creating intimacy rituals can strengthen relationships.

“I’m a big fan of practicing slow love, and that involves being aware and taking your time to connect with your partner, and the 6 Second Kiss does both,” says Hoffman.

How long should a good kiss be?

Some critics argue that the concept of determining the exact duration of a kiss has the opposite of the intended effect: romance feels tense and forced, rather than using it as time for socializing.

“You never want to do anything with your partner out of obligation, and one downside to a 6-second kissing ritual is that you can end up in it without feeling the inspiration,” says Hoffman. “If you focus on keeping track of time, you miss the point of the exercise.”

Although 6 seconds is the minimum impact time according to Gottman, that doesn’t mean you have to literally count to six in your head before you stop. Most importantly, Gottman says it’s a way to ensure people are connecting with each other in meaningful ways every day. “Just relax and enjoy the kiss.”

The 6 Second Kiss Theory and If It’s Right for You

Whether you’ve been together for a year or married for 40 years, the 6 Second Kiss has the potential to strengthen your bond with your loved one. For those interested in introducing a new way of connecting with their partner, experts recommend implementing the rule during “reunion” times, such as when they get home from work.

“Often that reunion isn’t an event,” says Gottman. “People don’t make a big deal out of it, but if they ritualize either a 20-second hug or a 6-second kiss or both, physiologically, everything immediately softens and they feel at home and feel safe.”

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